Reflections of a Lone Building in Washington Heights

04/30/2010

Reflections of a Lone Building in Washington Heights

I was born over 100 years ago with my siblings, the three nearest of which to me crumbled and left me here alone. Hardly a day passes when I don't feel their absence, for they stood next to me for many decades to offer support and keep me warm. Like any siblings we sometimes argued, but in my memory we were very close, and spent a lot of time talking and laughing. Then they went down, one by one, and I never thought I could last alone; I suffered, and still do suffer, but what choice do I have? I am still here.

I suppose that like many who have reached an age at which there is little to do but reflect on the past, I like to think that when I was younger I was also strong and beautiful; my body was not scarred with metal and I wasn't plagued with rotting joints and broken bones, which can make it very difficult to get up in the morning, much less hope for anything but a fate similar to my brothers and sisters. When I was young, people used to stop and admire me: they gave me so many compliments that I took them for granted, at least until they stopped, and I realized that I was no longer beautiful in the eyes of most. Occasionally someone will say something nice to me now, but I can hear the pity in their voices, the sense that they are beholding someone who is only of shadow of his former self. Most people don't notice me at all anymore, a kind of apathy that is perhaps most painful of all, and makes me want to yell at them and say: don't you know who I am? Don't you know that I was once bigger and stronger than anyone you now admire? But this is impossible; the anger I feel is only for the passage of time, which ruins everything.

But some days are better than others, and when it's not too hot or too cold, and the late-afternoon sun lights up my face, I forget my longing for change (by which I mean death or rebirth, to the extent there is any difference) my desire to be reconstructed in a manner that will recall at least some of my past grandeur, and I am content to sit here, without worrying about what has happened and what is still to come.

Posted at 08:14 PM in Expression, Science Projects | Permalink

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Music: Death Culture at Sea and Saturnine

Listen or download songs and records from my indie-rock past with Saturnine here and Death Culture at Sea here.

Music Video: Remembrance of Things Past

Watch the rock opera Remembrance of Things Past written and performed by Saturnine and Frances Gibson, starring Bennett Madison and Sheila McClear.

Video: The Chaos Detective

The Chaos Detective is a series about a man searching for 'identity' as he completes assignments from a mysterious organization. Watch the first episode (five parts) on YouTube.

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Expression//Reaction//ScienceProjects

04/30/2010