(cont.) "I think every kid understands that you see things in a way that's different than any adult, but for me, it was more than that, because I felt like I was seeing things that other kids couldn't see, either."
"I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it's almost like the reverse of being color blind, at least as I understand it. To me the outside world was always very saturated. Colors and shapes bled into each other."
"It drove my parents crazy, because they thought I was making it up. They took me to eye doctors and psychologists, who couldn't figure out what was wrong with me."
"It's kind of funny when I think about it now, because I remember trying to explain to these 'experts' that I wasn't damaged, I was just seeing things differently than most people."
"How old was I? I don't know, probably no older than five. Because once I got a little older and began to understand what I was supposed to say, I said it. I learned to describe the world as I understood others wanted me to describe it, not the way I actually saw it."
"I don't think I was that unusual, or at least not in a general sense. Every kid learns to conform, right? And I don't want to sound bitter, either, because I understand that there's often good reasons for conformity. Like you need to develop manners. Society requires a certain adherence to rules. Like you can't go around hitting people you don't like, is one obvious example. I get that. It makes sense."
"The problem is when the rules become arbitrary or have no relationship to the benefit of society. What happened to me is that I tried to conform for the sake of conformity, until it finally dawned on me that there was no reason for it, except once you've done it for a few years it's hard to stop, or at least not without breaking down, which is how you end up in a place like this. You lose the ability to tell the different between the good rules and the bad rules, because it's like your inner compass -- your moral compass -- has been warped to a point where it's no longer accurate. Nothing makes sense and you can't function. Or at least that's how it was with me. You have to step back and reassess everything. Some people can't do it. I was lucky. I think I've done okay."
"You take an easy case like physical violence, and it's not hard to understand why civilized society can't -- or shouldn't -- allow those who are physically stronger than others to dominate, just on account of their physical strength, and the implicit threat of violence that so often goes with it."
"I think you could basically say that everyone has a right to feel 'safe' -- by which I mean free of physical harm -- at any time. Which is obviously not a standard that we always live up to, but it's still a standard."
"And then there are other things that I think most civilized people agree shouldn't count against someone in society: gender, ethnicity, and age our probably the obvious ones, but there are various disabilities, too, that I think you could point to that demonstrate the progress of society over the past few hundred years. And even better, in my opinion, is when society starts to value these kinds of differences, where there's a sense of acknowledgement that differences are beneficial, because if everyone looks and acts the same, we might as well be robots or something."
"But that's not something you see very much of these days. Sure you'll have people say, 'oh I'm going to treat you as if this part of you doesn't really matter,' but to me that downplays the benefits of difference. The right thing to say is 'you're different and that makes you better'."
"If someone had said that to me when I was five or six, maybe I wouldn't have spent so many years lying about exactly what I could see. I mean, really, wouldn't it have been better for everyone if I and others like me -- I mean, now that I know I'm not alone -- could have just said 'yeah, I can see these people and they look like they have light coming through their skin'? It might have helped everyone involved, which at this point, if I'm understanding you correctly, is everyone."
Pictures from Fort Tryon Park taken April 16, 2016. Text excerpted from The #Gods Project (Section 2: Interviews with the Institutionalized).
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04/18/2016
ORDER HERE
A RADICAL NEW MYTH ABOUT SEX, FAITH, AND THOSE OF US WHO WILL NEVER DIE
A young boy wanders into the woods of Harlem and witnesses the abduction of his sister by a glowing creature. Forty years later, now working as a New York City homicide detective, Gus is assigned to a case in which he unexpectedly succumbs to a vision that Helen is still alive. To find her, he embarks on an uorthodox investigation that leads to an ancient civilization of gods and the people determined to bring them back.
In this colossal new novel from the author of The Metropolis Case, the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice collides with a new religion founded by three corporate office workers, creating something beautiful, illogical, and overwhelming. Part sex manifesto, part religious text, part Manhattan noir—with a dose of deadly serious, internet inspired satire—#gods is a sprawling inquest into the nature of faith and resistance in the modern world. With each turn of the page, #gods will leave you increasingly reborn.
Praise for #gods
“#gods is a mystery, an excavation of myths, an index of modern life, a gay coming-of-age story, an office satire, a lyrical fever dream, a conspiracy. One of the most ambitious novels in recent memory—and a wild, possibly transformative addition to the canon of gay literature—it contains multitudes, and seethes with brilliance.” —Mark Doten, author of The Infernal
“Matthew Gallaway’s #gods is a novel so brilliant, so funny, so full of strange and marvelous things, I couldn’t stop writing OMG WTF I <3 THIS SO MUCH in its margins. It’s rare to find a novel that so dazzlingly reinvigorates age-old meditations on faith and f&!*ing, art and eros. Luminous, enterprising, and sublimely cheeky, #gods tells the story, the myth, the dream of the human soul in all its glorious complexity.” —Suzanne Morrison, author of Yoga Bitch
“Matthew Gallaway’s storytelling manages to be both dreamy and serious; lean and luxurious. His words carry an incantatory power of mythic storytelling where beauty and savagery wrap around each other like bright threads in a gorgeous tapestry.” —Natasha Vargas-Cooper, author of Mad Men Unbuttoned: A Romp Through 1960s America
“If the ancient gods were just like us, only more so, then the same could be said for this strange, wonderful book, in which the mundane sorrows and small triumphs of very ordinary lives glow ever so slightly around the edges, sometimes quite literally. At once an oddly romantic send-up of dead-end office culture and an offbeat supernatural procedural, #gods is terrifically weird, melancholy, sexy, and charming.” —Jacob Bacharach, author of The Bend of the World
'It’s to the credit of Matthew Gallaway’s enchanting, often funny first novel that it doesn’t require a corresponding degree of obsession from readers, but may leave them similarly transported: the book is so well written — there’s hardly a lazy sentence here — and filled with such memorable lead and supporting players that it quickly absorbs you into its worlds.'
-- The New York Times
Music: Death Culture at Sea and Saturnine
Listen or download songs and records from my indie-rock past with Saturnine here and Death Culture at Sea here.
Music Video: Remembrance of Things Past
Watch the rock opera Remembrance of Things Past written and performed by Saturnine and Frances Gibson, starring Bennett Madison and Sheila McClear.
Video: The Chaos Detective
The Chaos Detective is a series about a man searching for 'identity' as he completes assignments from a mysterious organization. Watch the first episode (five parts) on YouTube.