Matthew Gallaway

Notes on Sleeping Dragons

1. Somehow, as the rest of the world fell apart, the park kept getting more beautiful.  2. The flowers were a reprieve and a reminder.  3. Lately it seems as though everyone in charge is cruel and greedy. (And not just on television.) 4. I like to imagine the flowers discussing the state of the world with these leaders. "Your cruelty and greediness is not innate," the flowers would say. "It isn't like the color or shape or number of our petals. It's a choice that you make every day, sometimes more than once. But here's the thing. You don't have to be like this. You can stop. You can reassess. You can quit. You can switch sides and still have more money than you and everyone in your family could possibly spend in a lifetime."  5. Some of these leaders -- you know which three I'm talking about -- at least paused in their habitual cruelty and greediness last week, which was a relief. And commendable, in a way. But let's not forget their ongoing affiliation and what they've repeatedly stood for (and against) in the past. (And not just on television.) 6. What they did was analogous, perhaps, to a scenario in which the bulldozers are about to pave over the last little bit of land where people can enjoy the illusion of a field of heather, and these three said, "maybe let's not do that just yet." 7. But these three were not responsible for planting or maintaining the heather, and they were very happy to bulldoze all the other land. They have built walls and paid for weapons that have injured many, many people. (And not just on television.)8. What they did does not make them heroes or saints or gods. It makes them marginally -- and momentarily -- less horrible than their peers. 9. "I wonder what they'll think of next." 10. "They should remember that a sleeping dragon will eventually wake up (and my eyes are open)."  10. "Oh and there is more than one resting dragon: there are three."  11. "I'm only resting for a little while, but when I fly, things will look very different, and not just on television."  12. The garden was insulated from political turmoil. It was a haven for sleeping dragons. 13. The coreopsis remembered 1993, when it was crowned "Perennial of the Year." 14. "I remember 1993 and -- guess what -- there were just as many flying snakes as now."  15. "But there were more flying dragons, too."  16. Walking through Harlem, I had the sense that, of anyone, the city was immune to the more destructive tendencies of the evil leaders. And maybe the weather, because the rain was still wet. 17. There was a very long bridge, beyond which it was possible to imagine powerful, winged beings taking flight.  THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER BUSY WEEK: AT THE INVITATION OF THE GREAT MILES KLEE (READ HIS BOOKS), I CONTRIBUTED TO A PIECE FOR NEW YORK MAGAZINE ON INTELLIGENT BEACH READS. ALSO: THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO PREORDERED #GODS HAVE BEEN RECEIVING THEIR COPIES AND POSTING AMAZING PICTURES ON SOCIAL MEDIA. IF YOU ARE NOT AMONG THESE ENLIGHTENED SOULS, IT'S NOT TOO LATE! DON'T MISS OUT! IF YOU HAVEN'T YET BOUGHT THIS LIFE-ALTERING WORK OF FICTION, YOU CAN (AND MUST) DO IT HERE (WHILE SUPPLIES LAST). IF YOU ARE A BOOK-CLUB PERSON/CAT GUARDIAN WHO WOULD LIKE A REVIEW COPY PLEASE GET IN TOUCH (MATTGALLAWAY NO PERIODS AT GMAIL) AND WE WILL WORK OUT A DEAL. ALSO, SEE BELOW: WE'RE HAVING A BOOK PARTY IN BROOKLYN ON AUGUST 20TH @5PM ON SMITH STREET. COME CELEBRATE THIS NOVEL'S EXISTENCE AND THE FACT THAT THIS EVENT WILL FEATURE ABSOLUTELY NO READINGS OR SPEECHES.

 BRING YOUR FRIENDS/FRENEMIES. THANK YOU FOR READING :) 

 





 

 
 

This Week in Bridges, Cemeteries, and Non Flying Snakes

1. One of the advantages of walking (versus running) is that it's easy to do on streets and sidewalks. You have more time to avoid dog walkers and phone watchers, and stopping at intersections for cars doesn't feel like so much of a personal insult (unless the driver yells at you even when you have the light, which happens a lot in New York City). Lately, I've been walking south along Broadway before turning west toward the river, which takes me through the new Columbia Manhattanville campus. I had been running up these steps for a long time and had never stopped to appreciate the view.  2. You can't see much of it here, but this bridge -- which holds up Riverside Drive -- is one of the landmarks of the area, along with the elevated 1 train station (also not pictured). This view is looking south from the northern end.  3. Walking is something I also feel comfortable doing in the Trinity Church Cemetery, which can be accessed on 155th Street. I've never seen signs that forbid running here, but I don't think the dead would appreciate it.  4. There's a lot of this wrought iron fencing at the cemetery and all of it needs to be restored. I worry that whoever manages the graveyard will make the decision at some point to replace this priceless fencing with something boring, which happens all too frequently uptown. If so, I hope the ghosts and their descendants will make a serious fuss.  5. I don't want to be buried, but I often fantasize about having a nice crypt for my ashes, a small fortress or monument from which Stephen and I (and the cats) can spend eternity watching the river and the constantly mutating skyline of Manhattan (assuming we can float up a hundred feet or so). But I'm not sure how feasible this dream is: like so much in Manhattan, things were more affordable back in 1864.  6. Here's where "The Partridge Family" is buried.  7. "I love it here. I really do. The morning light is always beautiful, but good luck getting a place now! You probably need ten million dollars just to get a meeting." -- anonymous ghost/New Yorker 8. In other news, the garden has entered its summer lull (very few flowers) but is still lush and filled with variegated patterns. 9. Every morning we convene to discuss the day's agenda.  10. Elektra presents a list with two columns: 1) Flying Snakes, and 2) Non Flying Snakes. Those who find themselves in one of these columns can expect to hear from her soon, and the news will not be good. 11. If it's too hot and/or the subways are broken, some people work from home, which is a good way to get things done and stay reasonably sane in the modern era.  THIS HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK: I WROTE AN  ESSAY ABOUT PUBLISHING MY NEW NOVEL FOR THE ONLINE NEWS SERVICE THE AWL AND THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE/NON FLYING SNAKES DID NOT FAIL TO NOTICE THE KEEN INSIGHT ON DISPLAY. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THIS PIECE, YOU CAN CLICK THROUGH AND DO IT NOW (OR SOON) (OR NEVER). NOT OPTIONAL, HOWEVER, IS BUYING MY NEW NOVEL #GODS (PICTURED ABOVE). MY PUBLISHER SHIPPED PREORDERS ON JULY 18, 2017 (WHICH WAS TUESDAY). IF YOU HAVEN'T YET BOUGHT IT, YOU CAN (AND MUST) DO IT HERE (WHILE SUPPLIES LAST). IF YOU ARE A FELLOW BLOGGER/BOOK-CLUB PERSON/HARLEM WALKER WHO WOULD LIKE A REVIEW COPY PLEASE GET IN TOUCH (MATTGALLAWAY NO PERIODS AT GMAIL) AND WE WILL WORK SOMETHING OUT. WHEN YOU RECEIVE YOUR COPY, PLEASE SEND A PICTURE OF THE BOOK WITH YOUR CAT/DOG/BUNNY AND/OR MARGARITA AND I WILL POST ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA AND TOGETHER WE CAN BE VERY SLIGHTLY FAMOUS. THANK YOU FOR READING :)

 

Notes on the 1980s: True Freaks Are Immortal

1. This week I've been walking a lot, which is how I learned it's possible to reach Fort Tryon Park without running. It was comforting to realize that I could still cover the same distance, just at a slower speed. (I expect this lesson will apply to other areas of my life in the coming years.) 2. These roses are dreaming about being featured on the cover of a new record that recalls that "Power, Corruption & Lies," the 1983 album by New Order.   3. Last night I watched "Thirteen," which I've wanted to see for a long time and is now streaming on HBO. The movie is about two thirteen year old girls, one of whom -- following the lead of her new friend -- starts "acting out" in the usual adolescent ways (shoplifting, drugs, sex, cutting, piercings, and so on). Even though the movie was set in 2003 (when kids still used landlines!), there was something comfortingly timeless about these girls. They reminded me of the "freaks" -- what kids in my town called "burnouts" -- at my (public) junior high school, which I attended in 1981-83 (seventh and eighth grades). Girls who smoked cigarettes and wore blisteringly tight Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. (I'm sure they were doing other things, too, that I did not witness.)   4. I was never friends with the freaks -- I straddled the jock/brain categories -- so watching a movie about them felt very familiar to me. They were the goddesses of our school. Everyone worshipped them, even -- or especially -- from a distance. Except unlike real gods, they got older. I think most of them are still alive. I occasionally see pictures of former freaks on Facebook. Now they have daughters in college, daughters who have already gone through their seventh-grade phase of shoplifting and smoking. Daughters who are already ex-freaks and contemplating lives in respectable society.5. But some of them didn't make it, because people in Pennsylvania -- even people who grow up in relatively wealthy suburbs -- sometimes fall through the cracks. (Or jump into the chasm.)   6. There was a girl I knew as a kid; she and her twin brother lived a few streets over, and -- with a group of other kids from our neighborhood, we sometimes got together and played innocent games (tag, hide-and-seek, wiffle ball, etc.) down by Cedarhurst Lake. We were maybe in second or third grade. She and her brother weren't my best friends, but we knew and (I think) liked each other. As we grew older, we drifted apart. By fifth grade, we barely talked. I don't think we hated each other, but we had different interests (and friends). 7. As she entered junior high, this girl, whose name was Cathy (I think), became something of a "freak"; she wore jeans and started smoking. (And probably did other stuff I didn't see.) At the time, I couldn't imagine how anyone could choose to become a freak, mostly because I had something hidden inside of me that made me a freak, something I would have done anything to expunge. I'm sure that being gay (and terrified by it) was the reason I was so judgmental about other kids with freakish tendencies. I feel sorry about it now, knowing that freaks were just trying to define themselves against the mainstream, just in more active ways than I was capable of (at least then). 8. The last thing I heard about Cathy was that, as an adult -- maybe in her early or mid twenties -- she was found murdered in a neighboring town, her body incinerated almost beyond recognition.  9. Nobody deserves to die like that, but I think it happens with alarming frequency, and especially to people who find themselves on the margins of society. (Most of these people are not heterosexual, white, wealthy, or male.)10. When I think about the 1980s, I feel a little betrayed by all of the hype surrounding the television show "Stranger Things" and specifically the way (some) critics are so astounded by the way it supposedly captures the period by making allusions to things like E.T. and other science-fiction movies that I guess weren't horrible but didn't mean anything to me at the time. (And still don't.)  11. I would rather watch "Thirteen" than sit through the superficial nostalgia of "Stranger Things." (Plus -- as much as I've loved Winona in the past, I found her performance on this show almost unbearable. I kept thinking PLEASE GOD LET HER STOP SCREAMING.) 12. Watching "Thirteen" made me think that pubic-school freaks are forever (even when, like Cathy, they die young); it also made me hope that "Stranger Things" will be forgotten in a few months.  #GODS WILL BE RELEASED BY FICTION ADVOCATE NEXT TUESDAY ON JULY 18, 2017. BUY IT HERE. (AND NOT ON AMAZON.) IF YOU ARE A FELLOW BLOGGER/BOOK-CLUB PERSON/OBSERVER OF FREAKS WHO WOULD LIKE A REVIEW COPY PLEASE GET IN TOUCH (MY FULL NAME NO PERIODS AT GMAIL) AND WE WILL WORK SOMETHING OUT. THANK YOU FOR READING :)

Notes on Cranbrook: If Art Is Water, Too Many of Us Are Dying of Thirst

1. When as a teenager I first arrived at Cranbrook Kingswood -- the boarding school I went to beginning in tenth grade -- I was, like most fifteen year olds, oblivious to the idea that I was about to spend three years in one of the most beautiful places in the world. 2. I could lie and say I was awestruck by the architectural vision, the cohesive and original blend of classical and modern design that leaves tour groups wandering through the campus with their mouths agape, but I had other things on my mind, more typically adolescent concerns: would I make friends in the dorms, would I do well in my classes, was I good enough to play on the (varsity) hockey team, and so on.  3. What's perhaps more surprising to me in retrospect is that -- if my memory can be trusted (and who knows) -- the school, by which I mean the teachers, the coaches, and the administrators, did not force the issue. They didn't lecture us about the priceless art we jogged past on our way to soccer practice or the beauty of the filtered sunlight that streamed into the dining hall where we gulped down chocolate milk and mastered the important life skill of hanging a spoon off the tip of your nose.  4. We were (except for living in an artistic Eden) in many ways no different than most U.S. high school kids: some of us played sports, others got drunk or high or took drugs (or dealt them, in a time-honored tradition of prep schools), some were having sex (everyone was thinking about it), and studying to various degrees.   5. Personally, I was playing sports (I wasn't a "star" the way I had been in the small hockey pond of Pittsburgh, but I at least made the varsity), not drinking or taking (or dealing) drugs -- and more judgmental about the idea than I like to remember -- and studying very hard. Academic success for me had always been a social crutch, a way to sublimate my fixation on a kind of sex I didn't want to take hold of my life in the same way it did my imagination.  6. I'm pretty sure the statues knew, however. 7. And they, like all great art, were forgiving and welcoming, even when I ignored them.8. "We have powers you can't begin to imagine. For one thing, we are immortal. We can wait."9. There is a famous sculpture designed by Carl Milles called "The Orpheus Fountain" that -- interestingly enough -- does not include Orpheus.    10. According to the internet: "The original fountain was sculpted for the Concert Hall in Stockholm, Sweden. In the original, Orpheus, the Greek god of music [sic], is surrounded by eight figures, all reacting differently to his music. George Booth [who financed the construction of Cranbrook] wanted the sculpture for the Cranbrook campus, but did not want it to include Orpheus. He felt the character of Orpheus was too much of a 'supreme character' and his presence would alter the mood of the sculpture. In myth, Orpheus is an evil character and Booth wanted to promote the fountain and the campus as 'democratic, equal, and American'. Therefore, he bought the pieces of the original sculpture he wanted and brought them back to Michigan."11. Orpheus is invisible here, in other words. 12. I never thought of Orpheus as an "evil character," probably because I'm fascinated by the idea that he was literally torn to pieces by a horde of people who may or may not have been angered by his homosexual activities after he failed to bring Eurydice back from the dead. 13. I ignore the fact that Eurydice, in most of these myths, is the "wife" of Orpheus and that the horde comprised angry women who couldn't understand why he wasn't "interested in what they had to offer" (or something like that). There are better ways to tell the story.14. I prefer to think of Eurydice as an artist in her own right -- a fellow musician who sang while Orpheus accompanied her on his lyre -- and the horde a group of angry "alt-right" extremists (of all genders) whose only desire is to tear apart everything beautiful about our society.  15. In addition to the poor and the sick, our country seems to have turned away from art, or perhaps "beauty" is a better way to think about it if we want to exclude the corporate propaganda that increasingly dominates the marketplace with works that I guess can be classified as "art" in some respect but lack any beauty or meaning. Or to put it more brazenly: our country would be a better place if this (hot gay) statue were featured prominently on the White House lawn. 16. One thing about Cranbrook I'll always appreciate is that the art is, in fact, very democratic (and sadly, for this reason, less "American" as time passes). It doesn't invite worship or quiet reverence in the manner of so many museums (not that I'm against museums!) but instead quietly integrates itself into daily life.    17. Beauty can be stealthier than we sometimes give it credit for. 18. It shaped me even when -- as a teenager, petrified of sex (another form of beauty) -- I liked to think that I was immune to its power.  19. And as we watch the hordes rampage, I have a similar hope that they, too, will somehow be exposed to this potential. (Never forget that Orpheus, after being torn apart, became an oracle on the island of Lesbos.)  20. Maybe we can reclaim "faith" from those who wield it as a weapon and instead believe in the many beautiful gods whose invisible powers will save us all. #GODS WILL BE RELEASED BY FICTION ADVOCATE ON JULY 18, 2017. BUY IT HERE. (AND NOT ON AMAZON.) IF YOU ARE A FELLOW BLOGGER/BOOK-CLUB PERSON/DISTANCE RUNNER WHO WOULD LIKE A REVIEW COPY PLEASE GET IN TOUCH (MY FULL NAME NO PERIODS AT GMAIL) AND WE WILL WORK SOMETHING OUT. THANK YOU FOR READING :)
















  

There Is One Way Out of Sickness and Confusion (#gods)

1. "His mother was Calliope, the Muse of epic poetry (and daughter of Memory), and his father was Apollo, the god of the sun and music." 2. "From an evolutionary standpoint, we don't yet understand its existence."3. "Land that was once lush, green rain forest is now barren, littered with dead trees."4. "Details concerning his early life are sparse, although it appears as though his mother and aunts -- the Muses -- taught him to sing and play the lyre."5. "If they hadn't been forced to marry and procreate, there would certainly be less of them. It's a problem that would simply fix it itself if you left it alone." 6. "The man, he thought, was clearly a faggot." 7. "'I have a lot of sex and it's really, really gay' -- Keith Charles" 8. "Eurydice, famous for her beautiful voice, fled into the forest, where the poisonous snake bit her, and she died. Orpheus, equally famous for his beautiful music, had accompanied her. When she died, the whole world wept: the stones, the trees, and the waters." 9. "'Can Animals Be Gay?' -- The New York Times"10. "The researchers found that the men who completed the friendship puzzles were 26 percent more likely to be open to the idea compared to the men in the other two groups."11. "Only rarely before the internet-era did people record their private thoughts. This simple fact renders the study of such behavior almost impossible for historians."  12. "Although it was not considered a major offense during the early Roman Empire, it came to be viewed as unacceptable as Christianity developed." 13. "Often the first plant to grow from a fresh lava flow, the tree is known for its resilience. That's what makes a recent discovery all the more tragic: the tree is dying." 14. "As I scrolled through descriptions of paranormal entities, extraterrestrials, and ancient immortals (or gods) returning to a society they had once abandoned -- this latter category often said to exude a glow like the one I had seen -- I recognized a frustration in myself I associated with the friends and loved ones of victims who realize that finding a perpetrator does not undo the crime."15. "In the 11th century C.E., the Doctor of the Church, St. Peter Damian, wrote an extended attack, portraying it as a counter-rational force undermining morality, religion, and society itself, and in need of strong suppression lest it spread even and especially among clergy." 16. "Herodotus claimed they had learned it from the Greeks." 17. "The females stare into each other's eyes while mating, which macaques hardly ever do outside of sexual contexts." 18. "On April 12, the remains of a man were found at the base of a seaside cliff, washed in with the tide. The body was discovered in an advanced state of decomposition. After the forensic examination, it was determined that the victim was between twenty-eight and thirty-three, five foot ten, and that the cause of death was not drowning but massive cerebral contusion. The victim's genitals had been severed from the body. He wasn't carrying identification. He was dressed in black plants, which were pulled down around his ankles, a white shirt, and tennis shoes. Car keys were found in one of the pockets. His description didn't match that of any man missing. He had probably been dead for a week. The case was shelved." 19. "He struck me as a fudge packer."20. "For instance, otoacoustic emissions, which are barely detectable sounds in the inner ear, are believed to have their levels set prenatally and are consistently different in males and females, suggesting the handiwork of hormone exposure. But lesbians show male-type patterns. Then there are people with a condition called congenital adrenal hyperplasia, or CAH, the result of having been exposed to unusually high levels of testosterone during the prenatal period. Adult women with CAH have higher rates of lesbianism than the general population."21. "Lesbianism."22. "Orpheus, turn away from the swan maidens with their leaden eyes and listen to me. The river is wide, but we have much to discuss and time is short. I, too, remember the day your father gave you your lyre. You were so happy. You played very well. True, it was bittersweet to be reminded that your life was passing quickly, and I was not pleased to hear that Apollo had pushed his God on you at such an impressionable age. But then I looked up and saw a cormorant flying across the sun. Here, in this perfect creature, I thought, was proof that Nature offered us more inspiration than your father’s amorphous God."23. "'We promise that something is forever, when it is really only as long as it takes for us to tire of it.' -- Laura Palmer" 24. "Patient zero was probably in a lush, wild district where officials started getting calls from distraught landowners in the area. The bright, flowered trees had withered mysteriously and died in a matter of weeks. Groves of aging trees, which can live for thousands of years, often die off together when they reach old age, but these young trees had turned brown and wilted. More calls started coming in, all reporting the same problem: the trees were dying, fast."25. "One study, involving tape-recordings of gay and straight men, found that 75 percent of gay men sounded gay to a general audience." 26. "It mostly comes down to this: what did it really mean for people to sleep together in small beds? The practice was habitual, a convention of friendship and comradeship." 27. "He wore shorts and a white T-shirt, the sleeves of which wrapped tightly around his upper arms. The bottom hem didn’t completely cover his hairy gut, which hung out over the top of his shorts. His calves and thighs were muscular and hircine."28. "Because they were such a male-centered society, they wrote little about women, especially lesbians." 29. "The New York Times also prepared a 22-minute video on his life that did not mention it." 30. "To express our nascent faith, we needed a god of escape." 31. "We were all magical beings in a magical landscape."32. "Terrorists capture people and brainwash them. In our society, we’re these captives."33. "There is of course no causal relationship between disapproval of homosexuality and mass murder." 34. "Gangs of teenagers hunted gay men for sport, sometimes forcing them off the cliffs to their deaths. But the police, many of whom had a reputation for hostility toward gay men, often carried out perfunctory investigations that overlooked the possibility of homicide. Now the police are reviewing hundreds of deaths to determine whether they should be classified as anti-gay hate crimes."35. "The three factors of religious fundamentalism, orthodox Christianity, and right-wing authoritarianism also intercorrelate with each other." 36. "He retracted his confession, stating that he was not alone on that fatal night, and that he was accompanied by a gang of young men who massacred Pasolini, whose body was discovered beaten, bloodied, and run over by the car beside a football field. Splinters of bloodied wood lay around." 37. "Not only are the maternal relatives of gay men more attractive, more fertile, and subject to fewer complications during pregnancy, the study also found these women are extroverts and generally happier. If you're the mother of a gay man, you're pretty awesome!" 38. "Sleep begins to cover her swimming eyes, and she reaches her hands out, towards him, before she falls back into the mists."39. "'Sometimes it seems like we’re all living in some kind of prison and the crime is how much we hate ourselves.' -- Angela Chase"40. "It’s a fundamental part of the intellectual foundation. Look closely and you can see the whole history of civilized life."  41. "On August 17, the remains of two bodies were found in an abandoned car. The corpses were in an advanced state of decomposition. Both victims were constrained by rope and duct tape was found covering their eyes and mouths. After the forensic examination, it was determined that the cause of death was asphyxiation. One victim was between thirty-one and thirty-six, and the second between thirty-seven and forty. The genitals of each man had been severed. Neither victim was carrying identification. Their descriptions did not match that of any missing person. They had probably been dead for a few months. No suspects were identified." 42. "He held himself aloof from women and eventually took to living in the forests near the river, where he sang his sad songs to the trees, which were charmed by him. One day, a group of women found him singing on the banks of the river and beat him to death."43. "Christians can, and should, minister to homosexuals in a kind, yet firm manner." 44. "They were basically considered antisocial, low-level criminals and lowlife types who did disgusting things and should not be surprised that they got injured and even killed." 45. "Another hypothesis is that the hair-whorl patterns on gay heads are more likely to go counterclockwise." 46. "The gods slowly exhaled as the pair began to play their songs, notes dispersing out over the meadows above the water, where they collected in a crashing, sparkling reflection of the sea. Orpheus and Eurydice were twin angels, completely indifferent to their audience until they had finished, and slowly walked to the edge of the stage, accepting their initiation into a kind of immortality that had nothing to do with the gods." 47. "The first TV commercial featuring an ordinary, gay couple is an Ikea ad showing two men shopping for furniture."48. "The Nazis persecuted effeminate homosexuals, but Hitler recruited homosexuals to make up his stormtroopers. They were his enforcers and his thugs. He discovered that he could not get straight soldiers to be savage and brutal and vicious enough to carry out his orders, but that homosexual solders basically had no limits to the savagery and brutality they were willing to inflict. So he surrounded himself with them. Virtually all of the stormtroopers, the Brownshirts, were male homosexuals." 49. "The gangs were adolescents -- teenage boys and sometimes girls -- who looked for victims to harass and assault at cruising spots where gay men were known to meet, including secluded, poorly lit paths along the cliffs. The gang members called it fag bashing. Hundreds of men over the decades were thrown to their deaths by these gangs. The vast majority were ruled suicides and not investigated by the police." 50. "He also exhibited behavior called childhood gender nonconformity. That meant he rejected boy-typical activities like the rough-and-tumble play favored by his brother and instead showed a strong and persistent preference for girl-typical pursuits, such as playing with Barbie dolls and dressing up in princess costumes." 51. "One of the most popular sitcoms of all time features a lesbian wedding of two supporting characters. However, the couple is not shown kissing at the end of the ceremony. The episode is titled 'The One with the Lesbian Wedding.' " 52. "His sandals scraped against the ground as he shifted his weight toward me. He placed one of his hands on my shoulder, where it rested for a second or two before spidering down over the front of my shirt toward my waist. I felt his mouth against my neck, followed by an animal lick of his heavy, fat tongue."53. "'War is our imperative, so we will fight.' -- Helena Cain"54. "Since the mysterious illness was discovered, its effects have been felt by business owners, artists, cultural practitioners, government officials and dozens, if not hundreds, of scientists, many of whom have relocated to help combat the devastation. Simply put, the disease is one of the most significant crises in history." 55. "I couldn’t bring myself to mention that the man they sought had been glowing or that he had seemed to gallop through the trees. I knew they wouldn’t believe what I could not fathom myself."56. "The Vatican's statement about the shooting, for example, referred only to 'innocent victims.' The Southern Baptist Convention’s resolution read, 'We regard those affected by this tragedy as fellow image-bearers of God and our neighbors.' Shortly thereafter, the Convention approved a resolution committed to various forms of discrimination against LGBT people."57. "Among those killed was a black transgender woman who was beaten and shot. The man charged in her murder went on to kill a man believed to be gay less than a week later."58. "Healthy trees, many hundreds if not thousands of years old, have died within a few days to a few weeks." 59. "Eurydice's mother was the daughter of Dionysus and one of the ancient trees. Her skin glowed like a shaft of dappled light and her hair possessed the earthy, russet tones of autumn leaves. She and her sisters were known as Flower Singers, thanks to their ability to call forth plants from the slumbering depths of even the harshest winter and to help them bloom throughout the summer."60. "Such perverted people do not exist in our country."61. "As much as I like it, I won't be able to make it fly over here. In any case, we are overdue for some lunch!"62. "Generations have been raised to associate being gay with being evil."63. "Members of the same profession recognize each other instinctively; so do those with the same vice." 64. "We had seen the baby boomers veer from ridiculous idealism to cynical, neoconservative greed."65. "They have been ransacking history, suggesting that some of history’s most preeminent figures were homosexuals." 66. "Statistically, for instance, gay men and lesbians have about a 50 percent greater chance of being left-handed or ambidextrous than straight men or women." 67. "The remains were found in an advanced state of decomposition in the basement of an abandoned storage facility. After a forensic examination, it was determined that the victim was around fifteen years old, five foot eight and at the time of his death approximately 140 pounds. The cause of death was internal bleeding caused by blunt force of an object inserted through the anus. The case was shelved after no matches appeared in any missing persons database."68. "The trees are usually the first to grow on new lava."  69. "If a couple had asked him to design a specialty cake that read 'Congrats on the abortion, Jenny!' I’m certain he would have refused them as well, even though abortions are legal."70. "Hyacinthus had the eyes of a fawn and a lean, muscular body that attracted much admiration. His skin did not glow in the manner of the gods, but at fifteen, he had arrived at that period of mortal adolescence that seems so improbable and intoxicating. Wherever he went, a hush followed. Two gods became particularly infatuated. One was Zephyrus, god of the western wind, and the second was Apollo. Zephyrus tried to entice the young singer with soft breezes and gentle caresses, while Apollo gave him ambrosia collected from the Hesperides in order to extend this golden period of his life."71. "It’s not the people, it’s the message." 72. "The detentions began after a man was stopped by police and the arresting officers discovered contact information for other men on his phone." 73. "She can weld, make maple syrup, and even earned a knighthood making medieval costumes. Although she works as a veterinarian, her love of all things ancient led her to minor in classical history. Now she spends her free time writing m/m erotic romance." 74. "The tree has a superior capacity for extending its roots vertically and can grow efficiently in cracks and fissures, taking advantage of residual moisture after rainfall. The tree has the capability to close its stomata, or breathing pores, to 'hold its breath' when toxic volcanic gases are blown in its direction."75. "'People who have been oppressed take on the characteristics of their oppressors' -- RuPaul" 76. "Homophobia -- fear and hatred of homosexuals -- remains the central organizing principle of our modern cultural definition of manhood." 77. "Eurydice, who learned to sing from the trees with whom she spent her childhood, had the temperament of a Nymph and the body of a mortal, which meant she could not flourish in society. She was the last of the Flower Singers. She needed to experience the death that Orpheus, equally uncomfortable in society but for different reasons, was chasing in her.”78. "The same redemption available to all sinners is available to homosexuals. They, too, may become new creations in Christ." 79. "The red, orange, and yellow blossoms are a symbol of Pele, the goddess of fire and volcanoes." 80. "This is a macho country full of faggots." 81. “'The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.' -- Buffy Summers”82. "Growing up, men denigrate other men for things like dancing, singing, cooking (inside), being emotional, owning cats, caring about clothing, studying too much, being incompetent, or not having success with girls."83. "On the wedding night, the woman dressed up as a soldier so that her husband wouldn’t be completely confused." 84. "Since there is no treatment or cure for the disease at this time, the main tactic is to prevent the disease from spreading." 85. "'Sometimes lost is where you need to be.' -- Kara Thrace." 86. "Military psychiatrists, new to the ranks, warned of the 'psychopathic personality disorders' that would make homosexuals unfit to fight. Then they devised supposedly foolproof guides to ferret them out: an effeminate flip of hand or a certain nervousness when standing naked before an officer." 87. "There's no rational reason why disapproving of the sexual behavior of others should coincide with nationalism -- the belief that your country is better than all others -- yet increasingly it does." 88. "Keeping the subject hidden has always had an intrinsic appeal in a country with puritanical roots."89. "At the other end of the spectrum, 33 percent estimate it as more than 25 percent." 90. "Gays who don’t fit the common stereotype are marginalized for not living up to expectations, which can have an impact on mental health. Gays who do fit are marginalized for adhering to a stereotype, which can have an equally damaging impact on mental health."91. "It seems to him there are a thousand bars; and behind the bars, no world."92. "As a minority, we’re vulnerable to being brainwashed into thinking that we’re somehow defective or immoral, which is the definition of terror, except it’s a quiet, subversive, and constant form of psychological terror. Which is ironic, given that the biggest loudmouths in our country today -- the ones who call everyone else terrorists -- are actually terrorists themselves. I mean, have you looked at those demons in the Senate? Or that ghoulish clown Ronald Reagan? Then you know what I mean. Terrorists by any definition."93. "Republicans and conservatives are much less likely to consider gay and lesbian relations morally acceptable."94. "Next time you pass by one, take a moment to appreciate the tree that shapes the volcanic landscape." 95. "Belief doesn’t arise in a vacuum. It’s a reflection of how we’ve lived and, more often, how we’ve suffered."96. "The network cancelled the series after two low-rated seasons. The show debuted to just 338,000 viewers and ratings were even worse in Season Two, which averaged 240,000 viewers with a 0.1 rating in the 18-49 demo."97. "It had been prophesied that a mortal daughter of a Nymph would lead the gods to the Land of the Dead. Eurydice’s voice resonated with this power of promise and destruction, and the seeds of this belief began to grow."98. "What if homosexuality could be prevented? That could turn out to be a big blow for the gay-rights movement." 99. "She also knew that something important was about to happen." 100. "Part of his skull was reduced to powder during the attack." 101. "I’m not offended as a gay man, just as someone who watches way too much TV and expects some of it to be well-written."102. "I knew what the words meant, because he had taught me. Everything is changing, and we along with it."103. "The incredibly resilient tree grows out of seemingly solid lava flows. It is polymorphic, meaning it has no common shape but can be fully grown at 1 foot or 200 feet."104. "Five weeks later, the tree -- like hundreds of thousands of others that would follow -- was dead."105. "Don’t create a gay character just to die." 106. "The Muses left Apollo to go out and light the world." 107. "The mentality that God gave Christianity a 'masculine feel' reaches its zenith in the best-selling evangelical Left Behind books, which transform the apocalypse into an action thriller for Christians to show off their fighting prowess. (In the film adaptation, the hero is played by Nicolas Cage.)"108. "A hotline was flooded with messages from people who had survived the camps."  109. "An old-growth forest -- also termed primary forest forest, virgin forest, primeval forest, late-seral forest, or ancient woodland -- is a forest that has attained great age without significant disturbance and thereby exhibits unique ecological features and might be classified as a climax community." 110. "She stared into the passing blur of forest and imagined the skyline of New York City."111. "This is a list of LGBT characters in modern written fiction." 112. "When Eurydice first sang for the Muses, the immortal sisters knew that the mortal's voice was like none they had ever heard. Eurydice didn’t translate the language of the trees, and -- unlike other Nymphs -- she didn’t even speak it, but she transposed the melody of the forest into song."113. "Isn't reality an insatiable AIDS-riddled whore?"114. "For here there is no place that does not see you. You must change your life."115. "Men fucking each other threatens so many people -- and especially men who aren’t attuned to ever being penetrated, which is an example of how a physical limitation can reflect a psychological one -- but this fear offers power; not financial or political power, but the ability to define oneself instead of being defined by someone else, which is the basis of any legitimate faith." 116. "Let us one last time whisper to the silent earth, we are flowing, and to the flashing water say: we are."
#GODS WILL BE RELEASED BY FICTION ADVOCATE ON JULY 18, 2017. BUY IT HERE. IF YOU ARE A FELLOW BLOGGER/BOOK-CLUB PERSON/ANIMAL LOVER WHO WOULD LIKE A REVIEW COPY PLEASE GET IN TOUCH (MY FULL NAME NO PERIODS AT GMAIL) AND WE WILL WORK SOMETHING OUT. THANK YOU FOR READING :)

#Gods Will Win the Nobel Prize for Television in Literature

1. Like anyone trying to sell something "artistic" and anachronistic -- for example: a novel -- in an era defined by extremes of technological saturation and aggressive self-promotion, I've been spending time trying to find an angle to pitch my forthcoming novel #gods. And by "pitch" I mean entice/persuade a few people (my followers) to click through to publisher's website and spend $20 (including S&H in the U.S.) to order a copy, which will ship on July 18th, nearly a month earlier than if you order it on Amazon Whole Foods (for $25). Having carefully observed the social-media habits of other novelists, I had learned one thing, which is that they/we (because I was not an exception to this rule) are really annoying! Retweeting every kind thing that anyone says about your work, or linking to articles from mainstream media outlets and educating followers on the problematic nature of the current presidential administration: these are the habits of a child who wants nothing more than to be twirling around in the middle of a room where everyone admires you. Novelists should not be allowed to have twitter accounts or FBs, on account of how disgustingly, relentlessly needy we are. Some authors try to be more CrEaTIve, for example, by "telling a story through twitter" or tweeting "in character," but these tactics (dreamed up by marketers in 2013) are too dispiriting to entertain. But what choice did I have? I had written a novel and owed it to myself (and the publisher) to use my "platform" to "engage" my followers, which soft science has proven is the only way to sell books, or at least books that could be said to fall within the "genre" of "literary fiction," which these days is a market that's about as big as an evaporating raindrop.  2. Admittedly, it was a dilemma, but -- like all dilemmas -- one that seemed to offer many brilliant solutions, at least while I was running through Fort Tryon Park, surrounded by natural beauty and with my brain starved for oxygen. For example, it occurred to me that I could inform people that my novel (#gods) will almost certainly win a Nobel Prize for Television in Literature, notwithstanding the minor issue (minor, at least while I was running, and with my brain starved for oxygen) that such a category doesn't exist. 3. Unlike the usual category, I thought, which each year causes so much tedious speculation and debate regarding which nonhomosexual writer is going to win, the Nobel Prize for Television in Literature can (and, if I have anything to say about it, will) be awarded to the work of fiction that features the most television shows. The only question for the Nobel committee is to identify the novel with the most television shows. Like an actual race, it takes the subjectivity out of the equation. 4. Hmmm, I thought (remember: still running, still oxygen deprived) this is something I can win. (As if the category already existed.)  5. I couldn't think of another novel that referenced as many television shows as #gods. (I didn't try very hard.)6. Seriously, what other novel includes quotes from: 1) TWIN PEAKS, 2) MR. ROBOT 3) THE X-FILES 4) AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN 5) BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 6) THE WIRE 7) ANGEL 8) BATTLESTAR GALACTICA 9) DARIA 10) THE SOPRANOS 11) PARKS AND RECREATION 12) FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS 13) MY SO-CALLED LIFE 14) THE WALKING DEAD 15) SIX FEET UNDER 16) WONDERFALLS 17) SLEEPY HOLLOW 18) DYNASTY 19) STAR TREK: VOYAGER 20) THE O.C. 21) TRUE BLOOD 22) STRANGERS WITH CANDY 23) BATES MOTEL 24) BIG LOVE 25) EMPIRE 26) THE GOOD WIFE 27) ORPHAN BLACK 28) THE HILLS 29) STAR TREK 30) SCOOBY-DOO 31) BROEN/BRON 32) ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT 33) TREME 34) THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW 35) UNREAL 36) PLEASE LIKE ME 37) BREAKING BAD and 38) THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY ?7. I saw myself sitting in the audience at the awards ceremony. "For referencing 38 television shows in a single work of fiction, we would like to award the Nobel Prize for Television in Literature to Bob Dylan #gods." (Pre-order here.) 8. For a few seconds, this television angle seemed like a good one. Everyone who watches television (which is everyone) will understand the concept that, circa 2017, it's the closest thing we have to a religion, and -- even more important -- the characters on these shows (but NOT the actors) are the closest thing we have to gods, exalted beings completely oblivious to our existence and devotion, but who inspire us with their words and actions. 9. But then I thought about all the people who don't like television, and how some of these people are my heroes. For any of you who might be reading, rest assured: it's not the only focus of the book. In fact, it's really minor compared to the idea that our society is in the middle of what might be described as a manic death seizure that -- if we are to survive -- requires us to find something maybe a little more substantive to "believe in" besides television (and, umm, every organized religion including capitalism and probably nationalism). 10. And then, as I kept running, I stopped thinking about the book at all. I stopped worrying about how to "market" it. (If you've made it this far, perhaps you share my relief.) Instead I admired the clouds over the Hudson River, and the way they resembled a mountain range. 11. I thought about the color orange, which was always my mother's favorite color (and something I'm happy to have inherited from her, along with her good running legs, my still-tender hamstring aside). 12. I was in the most beautiful park in the world. How could such beauty exist? The answer, I knew, was a result of government funding and a collective commitment to public spaces accessible by all (without regard to need or income). I sighed. It was depressing to think about politics. 13. Instead, I thought about the sadness I sometimes feel when I read gay writers whose work features no gay characters, and whether this sadness was more or less or just different than the sadness I feel when I read gay writers whose work features gay characters. 14. I thought about the sadness I always feel about the word "gay," even though I always use it as a (sad, inadequate) shorthand that for me has never captured or distilled the complexity and otherness and power (emotional, physical, and political) implicit in whatever it is we do that makes us g-y or nonheterosexual. Or "queer," which for me is a word that carries even greater sadness -- because I'm too old and exhausted and probably damaged to feel "empowered" through "reappropriation" -- which is why I never use it (but totally have no problem with anyone else using it, because these are choices we all must make and there are no right answers). I felt the sadness of saying something like "these are choices we must make and there are no right answers," and how it's a question we're forced to grapple with all the time when so many people who are not like us don't have a clue. Which isn't to say they don't grapple. The sadness of the word "grapple" does not even need to be pondered. 15. I wish a perfect name for my condition existed, a name that was not completely literal but managed to describe a state of being, a name like "Lamb's Ears." On second thought, maybe not Lamb's Ears. 16. Every life is a landscape. 17. Daisies are my mother's favorite flower, which is something I didn't inherit from her, although I like them. How could you hate a daisy? 18. I once had a friend who loved blue hydrangeas; this friend and I had a very serious falling out, which I try not to hold against the plant. (Although I still do, a little.)19. Still, I prefer the white hydrangea flowers, because when you're squinting and deprived of oxygen and thinking about imaginary categories for Nobel Prizes that will entice/persuade people to click through and buy something that means a lot to you (because novels are difficult to write, even the bad ones) and implicitly means a lot less to them (unless they co-wrote it), these flowers look like clouds and you might for a second -- while both of your feet are off the ground -- experience a sense of weightlessness or flight. Which is how you know your training paid off. (I haven't felt this since I ran the marathon a few months ago, because recovery takes a long time, but I remember this feeling, which might have to be enough.)  20. Sometimes a blurry image is the better choice if you want to capture the beauty of the natural world, where everything is constantly moving. 21. What are these towering red plants? They are so angry and beautiful, I thought, wishing I could summon their energy and actually doing it for a few seconds -- a quick sprint -- but then being reminded by my legs that I am too old to be angry and beautiful. (But not too old to remember.) 22. Here is the spot where a weeping cherry stood last week but was knocked over in the storm. 23. And here are the cone flowers mourning the loss. 24. And here they are getting over their grief, but not completely, the way we do when confronting the loss of an old tree. 25. Like the weeping cherry tree, I've learned that the wind is just as strong off the river during the summer months as it is in the winter. 26. I've also learned to wear shorts with deeper pockets so I don't break my stupid cell phone screen while sprinting down a hill, which is a lesson that the trees don't ever need to learn. 27. And like so many others on this Fourth of July, I've learned to fear my state as much as I admire it.