1. The waters of the Hudson, ominously high, made me wonder if our days were numbered, as if I hadn't read every dire report about our days being numbered (via global warming).
2. I decided to ascend to the park, where I didn't have to think about the rising waters.
3. The December light was gauzy and beautiful. As usual, the park was deserted. It was a warm day that had followed a series of record-breaking cold ones. It was also World AIDS Day, which like global warming seemed like an exercise in fear and denial, as much of the disease itself as the way -- at least in the Western world -- it separates the gay experience from the straight one, which cuts against the trope that 'we are all the same.' Are we the same? In some contexts -- like gardening -- it seemed possible; in others -- like politics and literature -- I continued to have doubts.
4. Coincidentally, Stephen and I on this day were also celebrating the two-decade anniversary of the day night we met. I remembered writing about this first date for Gawker before the internet died and everyone understood that 'old media' like Styles of the Times (and especially 'Modern Love') was a laughable forum designed to reinforce antiquated stereotypes about gays. It was depressing to remember that Gawker had died with the internet while 'the Style section' (a synecdoche for the 'mnstm media') was still churning out nonsense.
5. Twenty years ago, more naive, I couldn't have imagined it. But if it was painful to acknowledge the truth, it was also a relief to be more 'realistic.' The passage of time had allowed me to appreciate what I have more than what I don't.
6. Me twenty years ago: I want to quit my 'day-job' and be a famous writer/musician/etc.
6.5. Me today: I hope my 'colonoscopy' goes okay.
7. But also me today: I want to go for a walk in the haunted park. Or watch some Terrace House with Stephen and the cats. Or admire the russet leaves of an oakleaf hydrangea. Or the twisting, ancient branches of an elm or a birch.
8. Maybe there are similarities between the passage of time and the rising temperatures. We have trained ourselves to ignore the former -- death, notwithstanding its certainty -- which makes it easy to deny the latter (despite its certainty).
9. But there's another similarity, which is acknowledging or even 'embracing' the inevitable allows us to see what we might otherwise walk by.
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